Quiet.

Have you seen this Ted Talk?
I watched it a couple of weeks ago and it really stuck with me....   
When Winnie was 3 we finally *admitted* she was an introvert.

She's a bold child. She spoke early and walked early.
As a toddler she feared nothing, it seemed.

And so we happily concluded she was an extrovert.
Yay!
Just like us.

But, as she got older, things changed a bit and we had a hard time understanding her *bad* behaviour.

In groups, or around people she didn't know, she hid or acted insolent.
Not necessarily shy. Different from shy....but still.
At parties she often had a meltdown.
Even at home, if we were *at her* too much, she acted out.

Now, I'm not sure why it took me so long (I blame baby brain) but right after a Christmas Party we threw last year I sat down, exhausted from hosting the party and trying to keep Winnie calm and civil.
I sat down and I looked at our little girl and it finally occurred to me......"she doesn't like big groups".

As everyone left, it was like a weight had been lifted off her. The bad, borderline rude, mood lifted, she played freely, ate, and read. Back to our happy little girl. The girl few, it seemed, ever got to see.

I realized then that we had a tough sensitive kid.
More introvert than extrovert.

Tough Sensitive:
She rarely acknowledges physical hurt or cries out of sadness.
She's curious and adventurous and funny.
She is truly wild.
But she gets overwhelmed by too many people or too much stimulus.
She takes on the emotions and judgements of others.
She's intuitive.
She needs a certain amount of time to process and integrate on her own.
She needs lots of time to read/daydream/make believe, in a corner, without interruption.

It's a lovely combination, really.
In the past year, we've really worked hard to honor both sides of Winnie.
Her school encourages the development of both sides, a balance of outward expression and inward introspection.

And what we've noticed is that, in the past year, she has really come into herself....because we've allowed her to do it, in her own way.

What makes me sad is that it took us so long to realize...partly because being *introverted* isn't necessarily celebrated in our culture and partly because we didn't recognize it for what it was.

It took me back to my own childhood. My own struggles today.
Being classified as a very extroverted person but needing a lot of alone time.
Needing time to read and think and be alone....and kind of feeling guilty for it.

In the summer I was having a really tough week. I was super irritable and couldn't figure out why?
The sun had been shining for weeks, we were outside everyday: meeting friends, swimming, hiking, going to the park.
I was irate.
One day, I just threw up my hands. "What is wrong with me??"

I love that Jamie knew right away.
"Oh, Jill. You just need a grey day. A rainy day".
It had been weeks without either.
I love grey days and rainy days because they give me an excuse to be still.
To read and think and sit alone.
On sunny days, I feel bad reading all day. Or writing.
I need an excuse to be an introvert.

It wasn't always that way....

When I was in grade two my report card says that while I excelled in all areas of reading, writing and math, I made no effort. I spent too much time sneaking off to the corner to read and needed to focus more on my work. It was a pretty negative review for a kid who was doing well academically.

My parents never told me that. I thought I had always gotten great report cards.
I continued to sneak off and read.
There were more report cards like that.
I eventually stopped reading in corners.

Once, when I was around 13, on a camping trip with my friend Sarah, I read A Time To Kill.
I read the WHOLE thing.
They went for hikes, and shopping and had camp fires.
I read my book.
In the van.
I wasn't reprimanded......it was just clearly a weirdo thing to do:)

Point is, I used to be an introvert without excuse.
Now I feel bad about it sometimes.

Even today, as I was pushing the kids out the door, eager to be alone.
Time to think. Time to write.
Quiet.

For me, a certain amount of solitude truly is "the air I breathe".
It makes all the outward expression, the extroversion, possible.

What about you?
Where do you fall on the introvert/extrovert spectrum??
How do you honor your true self?