It occurred to me the other day, as I repeated “please remember to be KIND” for the 100Th time, that I can be quite un-kind to myself. In fact, it seems that very few people I know are kind to themselves. My most brilliant, beautiful friends happily self-deprecate and struggle to accept their accomplishments and talents. I think it was Pretty Woman (circa 1990) who said “The bad stuff is just easier to believe....” We are all our harshest critics and worst reviews.
I thought it would be interesting, to end our spring cleaning week, with a few ideas on how to "clean up" our self-talk, and be kinder to ourselves. (I've also thrown in a few beautiful pics of Kingston, from an early morning run this week!)
Here are four words I hear often from myself and others. Words that, in some way, diminish the best of us and must be used with caution!
1. Should: As my psych prof used to say…."Stop should-ing on yourself!” If you’re saying I should do something it’s probably because you don’t want to, but you feel like you should want to. It stinks of guilt and regret. It’s an empty, hollow word and it means nothing. You always have a choice: to do or not to do and, either way, you know what’s right for you!
2. Never: A bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, no? "I’ll never get the job I want! I’ll never be in-shape!" Words are powerful and we tend to live-out our thoughts...so careful....it's easy to become our own biggest obstacle.
In another sense, this word can be quite judge-y, can't it? "I'll never let my child watch TV!" In my experience, this word usually comes back to haunt....ready to prove me wrong. It hard to predict what you will or won't do 5 years (or 5 minutes) down the road.
3. Successful: A tricky one. I love the idea of success and the ambition to be successful but it's rarely a word we use for ourselves. We tend to refer to others as successful and, in this way, the word can be used to create unfair comparisons. There always seems to be someone who is doing better, making more, winning Nobel Peace Prizes for parenting...... It's easy to feel bad. How can we take this word and make it a positive? I think the answer is to define success for ourselves, applying it to our unique lives in a realistic and encouraging way. Success can be a challenge and a motivation. As long as we're ready to keep some of the credit for ourselves!
4. Busy: I use this word. A lot. In the weird competition to see who is busier, I am definitely competing. We’re all busy. We have busy lives. But why compare? How can you compare? There is no way to judge one person’s "busy-ness" over anothers, and yet, it has become almost a status thing. A “better-than-you” kind of attitude. I have a lot on my plate, sure, but I will admit to long periods of time watching Sex and the City re-runs and if my fairy godmother showed up with $1000 I could only spend in New York, on shoes, I’d find time for the trip…..Oh yes, I would! I always have time for the things I really want to do. So, I’m going stop abusing this word and enjoy the fact that I am productive, involved and needed.
After all, that’s what these years are all about!
“If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.” - Peace Pilgrim Quote
Happy Friday!
Sorry, but I was too busy to properly read this ... kidding! Seriously though: yes, we could all be kinder to ourselves, just by looking things square in the face.
ReplyDeleteWell written, Jilly! If you can't love yourself and treat yourself and your dreams with respect, how can you expect someone else to? More importantly, since I am raising a girl, I feel it important to be a strong role model for her now more than ever! Vanessa x
ReplyDeleteI think the word PERFECT should be redefined, or discarded!
ReplyDeleteSara
We use the word 'gentle' for those situations with James. And you're right, we could be a little more gentle with ourselves too. Forgive ourselves now and again. And be more gentle on our bodies too!
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